Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
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