You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
