he thought i was a dude.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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