she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
