Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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