Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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