Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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