**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize