My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
