***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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