you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
