I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
