guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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