If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize