i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
