Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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