My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
