You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
