yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
