Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
It was a blind-side dick pic.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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