you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize