i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
This house was built for laser tag.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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