Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
