so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
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