honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
