the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
