Whats the glycemic index on semen?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
