apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
