I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
