This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My vagina just recognized that song.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
