also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Randomize
