How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
we're making bets on your personal life
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
