in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
