Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
