Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
