I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
