Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
It was confusing and full of hummus
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
