I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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