It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
