Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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