I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
