i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
