how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I think I died a long time ago.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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