My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
