threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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