Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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