no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
