just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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