Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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