Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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