I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
