Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
