oh god the rape fog is back!
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
