I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
All the doctor said was why
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize