It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
