Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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