I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
