in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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