Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
where are you?
Hypothermia
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
