just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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