i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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