**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
