ya dads aren't the best wingmen
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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