MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
