sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm bleeding and have questions
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
