I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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